Thursday, July 23, 2009

July 4th, 2009 - Heathrow

Wow I was a bartender in a post-apocalyptic Toronto where people rode around on the public bikes from Paris. Some guy stole one of my customers' bikes so I chased him down and took it back. Then later I got a message from his gang buddies that I was gonna pay for what I did and I thought that the world was unfair.

It's not so much that I want to be in love, I just want to hang out with someone who is cool and attractive who I can be naked with...and have sex.

So apparently Sean watched a little too much CNN. They got him with the commercials for countries nobody wants to go to. Such as: Montenegro.

Mullets are all the rave in Paris.

From above Paris looks like a frowny face, the Seine being the mouth. It is the face of a true Frenchman.

Nobody wants to leave Paris, so there are no lines at Charles de Gaulle. Or maybe no American flies on the fourth of july and they are the ones who cause lines.

Wow. Who would've thunk that I would be sitting next to a guy who had my first name as his last name and had been John Lasseter's driver? Good thing I changed my seat at check in. Won't let no computer decide my fate.

God damn it, Travis. All your Taoist ideas may really be the way to go, or at least your interpretation of them.

Have a "safe" trip.

Either I'm more attractive than I give myself credit for, or that wasn't my doppelganger.

The reason people don't tip as much in Europe is because waiters didn't figure out the "is everything ok?" technique.

I have a friend named James. You get a better tip.

I find it very amusing that they play the Austin Powers theme song in the center of Heathrow.

Dear England, stop scaring the world with your bathroom robots.

In retrospect, that girl I sat next to on the train to Venice was probably the cutest human being I've ever met. I would have fallen in love at first sight if I believed in it.

The life jacket is equipped with a light and a whistle. The whistle goes "WHOOP!"

Dragonball: Evolution wins movie of the year.

Goodbye Paris.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

July 3rd, 2009 - Paris

Yeah screw what I said before. If I grow up, I want to have enough money to buy the Louvre and live in it.

You think accents are funny? Think about people with accents trying to speak a third language. Then think about those people trying to speak that language with an accent of a language they speak with an accent in the first place.

Why does it bother me when people look over my shoulder? Sure it's rude and distracting, but am I not making my art for them? Is it not my aim to change the world? Or to inspire? Yes, but the kind of people who walk into a big hall, take a picture of the painting with the biggest frame and leave could not possibly appreciate any work of art, nevermind the crap I do. Can it be helped? Probably not through drawing alone. Most people don't give visual art nearly the kind of attention it needs. It's like Whit Brachna said, they rarely give in seconds the same amount as the days it took to complete the work. I guess these days things need to be moving and have sound to retain people's attention. This is where I start thinking that maybe film school wasn't a waste of money and that maybe I could do something more than just draw robots and monsters all my life. That is, if I'm lucky - most people just draw doors and chairs and stuff. So why would I spend my days drawing now, during my last year at NYU? Was it smart to just give up storytelling and not take the risk for now? That's procrastinating and you know what happens when things are put away for later. You'll still be here but your dreams may not.

The other thing is, am I only making art for intellectuals and other artists? Don't I want to capitalize on talentless art for the masses? No. People who do that are a dying breed. Or they will be eventually. The studios can't rely on recycling content with better special effects for too long. Eventually someone is gonna have to start financing good movies. With the number of releases growing each year it will be harder and harder to get blockbusters (assuming that the public is becoming smarter).

On another note, Balthasar is still the coolest name ever.

I guess I'm not mature enough to appreciate painters for something other than skill. Clearly the "masters" didn't become famous for their exceptional painting skills, even for their time. Likewise, I suppose to get into Pixar you need to be a man (or woman) of ideas first and drawing second. Depending on the job, obviously. Isn't that my deal, though? Nope. I have no good ideas. Ever.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

July 2nd, 2009 - Paris

Well, Rodin may have turned out to be a hack, but at least in the back of the museum gardens there is a relaxation space where the children can play with the statues. I should have known, though. He lived in the 20th century.

How awesome do you have to be to get the entirety of France to follow you on a campaign to take over the world? It's like throwing a party and having the whole university/high school show up. But better.

In the event of a zombie apocalypse an arms museum would be the first place I would break into. Or a blacksmithy. What time period would have had the optimal zombie fighting gear?

"In the name of Jesus, I must kill you." Always wanted to say that to someone.

Wow. I didn't ever get to the second floor of D'Orsay. Stupid Rodin.

For the most part people are and have always been idiots. That's why great people have so much merit. By the same token, the bar for greatness is set pretty low.

Monday, July 20, 2009

July 1st, 2009 - Paris

David and I just keep throwing parties in my basement. You can make anything sound creepy by adding "in my basement."

Francois Perrier
Charles-Antoine Coypel
Francois Boucher (La Foret)
Jean-Honore Fragonard
Hubert Robert
Joseph Siffred Duplessis
Louis Leopold Boilly

Louvre in a day is too much. I could maybe finish it in a month. Good thing they added exhibits that nobody wants to go to for crowd control, like Egyptian antiquities.

Da Vinci wasn't even that brilliant of a painter really. He was just acceptable at the time.

Getting girls to swoon over you isn't really that difficult. Just keep displaying ambiguous signs of affection that can be taken either friendly or romantically. This usually becomes automatic when a person is insecure about him/her self and thus begins complementing people to be liked. Not: results are proportional to looks and tact.

The God damned Louvre has more Italian paintings than Italy.

Ah, yes, Giovanni Paolo Pannini. I ate his sandwiches - they're good.

I must look like such a creep - smiling all the time, laughing and writing sh*t in my diary. Taking picture of Manfred, too. Nobody understands me!

Jacques Courtois
Eugene Delacrois - Le 28 Julliet. La liberte guidant le peuple.

I suppose it is clear that I am getting better. Overall on this trip, I probably got about one bar of xp.

Man even the ugly French guys are cute. The only one who has a chance here is Manfred.

Even though I speak much better French, it seems to be a lot harder to blend in here. Maybe they communicate partially by smell?

I don't see why French girls would ever need make-up. Maybe to cover up their armpit hair?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

July 30th, 2009 - Paris

I feel like such a Travis Moe - walking around Paris munching on a baguette, cheese and bananas for breakfast, after arriving here on an overnight train.

This 4-level underground mall isn't really impressive. It just looks like they started building a subway station that was too big, so they put some shops in it. At least it looks like a Final Fantasy garden.

Overall French homeless people are more classy, largely, I think, by virtue of the the fact that they speak French.

On subway doors there is a picture of a rabbit getting his paw stuck in the doors and it says: "Beware of trapping hand." Of course he got his hand stuck, he's a rabbit! What does he know about Parisian subways? Who let a rabbit onto the subway in the first place? And how about putting up some signs that pertain to people? That really gets my goat.

When I'm supposed to enjoy the moment, I think, and now that I have time for thinking, my head is empty. Guess I should go with the flow and become Travis Moe. What a hoe.

There are definitely Swedish people living next door and they're definitely playing Dota.

I guess some people can go their whole life without becoming any good. Let's hope that won't be the case with me. Though they still own galleries here though, so - who knows?

You slowly grow out of the child's menu, then the child discount, then the student discount but don't sweat it. Before you know it, you'll be eligible for the elderly discount.

I'd rather live here than New York if I grow up. It's prettier.

In Italy I may not had the looks or the foreign advantage, but I did have the "no erection in your face" bonus. In France I may not have such good odds.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

June 29th, 2009 - Milan

Wow. I just woke up from singing about a homeless man in a Venetian ghetto with Sean and some other people. Apparently he was black and Sean thought that was racist. But that was all after I sneaked into the NBC building to find Conan O'Brien and ended up getting an internship there with Tristian. He thought everyone in Russia moved slower because it is colder.

Maybe people turn on the TV so that they don't start talking to themselves if they're alone?

Candy in hotels is a sign of good and helpful staff.

Did they bomb Milan recently? Or is the construction industry here just way over funded so they break things and rebuild them for fun?

How could I forget that Monday is a working day? Now I'm stuck in Milan with nothing to do. Prime time for putting my "Romance" section in the phrasebook to use.

I should have learned by now that gelato doesn't cool you off. It just melts on your extremities and gives you unnecessary calories. I bet David didn't maintain his figure by eating ice cream everyday. If I go on like this, nobody will ever want to sculpt me.

Getting better is an illusion. I could not possibly get noticibly better after two weeks.

Prada clothes are so good, they don't even need attractive models for ads. Save money.

She thought about it! For a split second she thought about abandoning whoever she was waiting for and going to a bar with a random tourist who told her she was attractive.

Wow. Asians, you've done it again. Vegetable flower man, you're my hero.

Maybe all women just look better against the backdrop of Italian streets? America does have comparably hideous architecture.

Mercanti Caffe near Duomo. Via Dante.

Time to switch foreign language to "French."

I was a genie and I was fighting Jafar to protect my NYU friends in Italy.

Friday, July 17, 2009

June 28th, 2009 - Venice

Most things in life are usually the opposite of what you would expect. If you want to achieve something, do the opposite of the most obvious way to do so.

Renee Zellweger has a really good Italian dub actress.

If you're ever in the town of Favoro near Venice, go to Lady Pizza. Delicious.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

July 27th, 2009 - Venice

It's the *ucking moonwoman.

Bloomberg is trying really hard to get the kids' vote, eh.

Every hotel I go to is simply trying to make us appreciate all the things we take for granted. Like electricity, hot water, and pants.

Per iqua - to stay.

Apparently Russel Crowe works in a small restaurant near mainland Venice called 'Residera.'

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

June 26th, 2009 - Venice

I am too busy thinking about the things that can go wrong to notice that things are going right.

Welcome to Venice. Places of interest: The Ghetto.

In a place like this they probably despise rain. Hah. Hah.

In terms of language I think I just upgraded from impressive foreigner to retarded Italian.

The direction signs in Venice are like a scavenger hunt. It's so much fun! Sometimes they even point you in both directions.

That pigeon reminds me of me - hurrying about his business, unaware of how ridiculous he looks.

Man I wanna be a Doge. Someday...

Then again, maybe not. The guy had some serious issues.

Imagine living during the Renaissance. Instead of becoming lawyers and doctors people with ambitions and a desire for money would strive to become painters or sculptors. Now we call it 'Information Age?" The internet is relatively new, technology is moving forward exponentially etc. 400 years from now they will probably call it 'boring time.' What would life be like then?

Everyone expressing any kind of radical opinion lacks knowledge about the subject or has to pretend like he/she does. Anyone expressing any kind of opinion lacks knowledge about the subject. So you might as well express the most ridiculous opinions you can think of.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

June 25th, 2009 - Florence

British Japanese game show.

"You want funghi, go to Amsterdam."

Either the city is 75% tourists, or all Italians ever eat is pizza and ice cream. Together. Must be a sweet life.

I is getting pretty better at drawing. Wonder what happen... al fine d'il viaggio.

Wow it really is that easy. I wonder if I'll ever see you again, slutty girl whose name I didn't get.

Monday, July 13, 2009

June 24th, 2009 - Florence

My hotel clerk definitely has a heart of gold.

Leonardo probably used a pencil sharpener and when he saw some pencil shavings spiral down, he got the model for the helicopter.

Fine del Mondo - uber delicious.

Everyone here looks like Angela.

They really know how to do fireworks in Italy. They keep going until you're sick of the explosions, and then some, so that nobody goes home wishing they'd seen more. Dear San Giovanni - Happy..Birthday?

If you wish you were taller, wear smaller pants.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

July 23rd, 2009 - Florence

That's a very clever technique. Starting off on a terrible note makes you very easy to impress later on. I couldn't be happier with my new room!

The window is smaller here but at least people outside can see me this time.

Do not disdain those behind you, especially if you secretly want to be them.

People who go up to dance on stage must be the most insecure of all. Don't try to prove things to yourself, and especially to others.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

June 21st, 2009 - Florence

Quit giving me those looks. I spent all night on this hair.

It's twice as hard for me to get up because I really want to see what happens next in my dream.

Holy skit. I'm in Florence. Duck yeah!

Whenever you go somewhere, there is always a chance the bathroom light won't work. In my room that chance is just higher. And why am I not surprised that there is blood on my towel?

You have to unplug the AC to use the TV. Brilliant.

Friday, July 10, 2009

June 21st, 2009 - Rome

Beetles? Foxes? Anime and a terrible storyline. John Canemaker loves it at some award ceremony. Neolight is the recipient.

You know, in some cultures even I could be considered pretty.

My hotel has its own genre of breakfast music. And I'm WAY into it.

Temperamatita - Pencil sharpener.

Oh good. You really redeemed yourself by apologizing after trying to STEAL crap from my bag.

Why couldn't I just say "Dude I'm late for my bus?" What's helping a pretty English girl gonna get me? A stain on my bag that's what!

Uhh... you're definitely not the bus driver. If I don't make it out of here alive I want this posted on the internet at the url above. I could have been great...

There's nothing wrong with most people. Their humour censors are just broken.

I want to get "The Only Book on Drawing You Will Ever Need" published. Inside just put: "Practice."

Thursday, July 9, 2009

June 20th, 2009 - Rome

No wonder they built things like this. Back in the 1600's they didn't have internet.

Here I am double fisting a map and a phrasebook and you ask me for directions? I'm good..

Chainsaw duels.

If there' ever a day when nothing worth writing here happened, I would be fully justified to kill myself. While I'm on this trip, at least. Today I probably came pretty close to that day.

If I grow up I only want enough money to win a challenge to a race around the world.

Sure, Algenpfleger is good. But he's no Michelangelo.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

June 19th, 2009 - Rome

Growing up is all about learning to pick your nose subtly.

Poor John Travolta. Probably thinks I'm hitting on him just like the priest from Ecuador.

So I was walking around these churches. Jesus flipping Christ - Oh... there you are.

If we didn't believe in God, would we really build these ridiculously expensive monuments everywhere? Now, believe in him! DO IT.
This journal is coming from the heart, man. Too bad compared to most people's hearts mine is more like a smoker's lung. After he has been killed by cigarettes.

"Or we could go back to the Irish Pub" was a wild goose chase. I knew that elderly couple was trying to knock me off my trail. Luckily by backtracking from the church recommended by the potential child molester priest, I made it to "Old Marconi" pub, a.k.a. Patty O'Brien's. I'm going back to the church tomorrow so this was inevitable.

I didn't have to eat here. In fact, I only needed to use the bathroom. Luckily Patty O'B is a firm follower of the "toilet seats are for pussies" doctrine. The wager is thus: "Gather 4 out of 5 participants at Patty O'B's at the same time and Anton will drink for the good old times."

Woke up in cold sweat last night and remembered I lost all my games. Get a load of this guy!

There's nothing quite like giving directions in a city I don't live in a language I don't speak

Forse - maybe.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

June 18th, 2009 - Rome

My head is going haywire. They need to invent one language and call it European. Just like they did with the currency. And then they can invent Asian with East and South dialects. Then everybody in the world would speak one of the two or English and all would be well.

Marble statues hurt my self esteem. Thank God Manfred is here. Best wingman I ever had. Speaking of God, didn't they ever get bored of painting concept art from the Bible? Good thing rich people commissioned their own portraits too, otherwise there would be no variety.

It is so very difficult to fully enjoy my experience when everywhere I go screams "deja vu." I was so stupid 4 years ago. Although I was stupid yesterday too.

The only major difference between Russia and the U.S. is that "legal expenses" in the states are replaced by "protection money" in the federation.

Monday, July 6, 2009

June 17th, 2009 - Rome

Just so you know, the following are thoughts written and pictures taken by me on a two week journey to Europe, which happened two weeks ago. After this is documented, who knows where this blog will go?

It's a little bit funny. You wander down various tunnels, corridors and pavilions of airports and railways, you sit for hours next to people you will never see again and strike up some small talk, then try to sleep, then wait for your flight in an overpriced cafe, and wait in another line for security trying to figure out ways how you could possibly orchestrate a security breach in between flight connections, and then - all of a sudden you walk up a flight of stairs into the limelight and you're in the middle of Rome.

I went outside Termini just to see the place that has become so familiar 4 years ago, and ordered some shitty pizza at one of the many places we went to. It tasted delicious. For some reason the whole affair reminded me of James and the Hun. Wish you were here would be a gross understatement. But maybe not for James.

Angela didn't teach me nearly enough Italian. Bitch.

My metro-D looks and acts like John Travolta. I accidentally booked a 4 star hotel that you need to take the shit train to get to. It happened to be the cheapest on the website. My neighbour from below thinks I'm a freak show. But then again, he is a smoker. There is a giant ducking mirror in the main room and one in the bathroom, so that you can see yourself front front and behind at the same time. It's perfect.

Actually I take that back. The mirrors were a terrible idea. I just spent an hour posing naked on my bed. I guess I am a pose maniac after all. When I get back to NYC I will become the greatest life drawing model that ever lived. Maybe I can even find some 40 year old bored housewife painter who will make me her muse, and then I will get to live my dream of having an affair with a cougar. Can't wait. Actually I can, because I need to visit all of these museums first.

Italians are friendlier than I expected. Maybe it's because I try. Maybe it's because they feel sorry for me. Who would want to be mean to a retarded puppy?

I thought I was only going to write the important stuff. Duck you, reader. From now on, I write for myself.